Funny movie quotes from A Pain in the Pullman, starring the Three Stooges

Funny movie quotes from 'A Pain in the Pullman', a Three Stooges short film where Moe, Larry and Curly are down on their luck actors, who manage to get a small part - and proceed to annoy virtually every other act traveling on the train with them!

Funny movie quotes from A Pain in the Pullman starring the Three Stooges

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Curly (Curly Howard): [looking in a cookbook with their monkey Joe on his shoulder] There’s someplace in this book that says how to cook a monkey.
[Joe lightly raps him on the head a few times]
Moe (Moe Howard): Joe’s right, we can’t eat the act.

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Curly (Curly Howard): Wait a minute (pulls roasting pan out of the oven, pouring ‘gravy’ over the shoe that he’s cooking for dinner)
Moe (Moe Howard): What’s that?
Curly (Curly Howard): Fillet of sole and heel.

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Paul Pain: I’m Paul Pain, the heart throb of millions!
Larry (Larry Fine): What’s a heart throb?
Curly (Curly Howard): A pain in the neck! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

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Moe (Moe Howard): [on phone] Yes? Yes. Yes!
Larry (Larry Fine): What is it?
Moe (Moe Howard): Yes!
Curly (Curly Howard): Yes what?
Moe (Moe Howard): A job!

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Landlady: And where do you think you’re going without paying the rent?
Moe (Moe Howard): Well, we were just on our way to hock the trunk so we can pay you.
Larry (Larry Fine): Hey, hock a trunk for me, too. [Moe kicks him]
Landlady: Oh, no you don’t.  I’m calling a policeman.
Curly (Curly Howard): Hold it, no sense in calling the police, I’m a G-man.  What’s all the fuss?
Landlady: I want you to arrest these men.
Curly (Curly Howard): [to Moe and Larry] You’re under arrest.  Get that trunk along as evidence. C’mon, get going, c’mon. [to the Landlady] I’ll see they get time and a half for overtime, don’t worry about it.
Landlady: Thank you, that’s very nice of you.  [Realizes what just happened] Help, help, police, I’ve been robbed!

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Larry (Larry Fine): Oh, just in time for lunch. [crab is on the table]
Moe (Moe Howard): What is that?
Curly (Curly Howard): Why, ya ignoramus, don’t ya know?
Moe (Moe Howard): No.
Larry (Larry Fine): Well, it looks like a ...
Moe (Moe Howard): Well, wiseguys, what is it?
Larry (Larry Fine): Spider.
Curly (Curly Howard): Turtle!
Moe (Moe Howard): Trying to kid somebody, eh? I knew it was a turtle all the time! [hits Larry]

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Curly (Curly Howard): Want some?
Actress: Oh, I just love crab!
Curly (Curly Howard): She don’t know it’s a turtle!

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Paul Pain: Johnson! *Johnson*!
[Johnson wakes up and hits his head on the berth above]

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Moe (Moe Howard): Say, where’s our drawing room?
Johnson (Bud Jamison): Your berth is up there!
Curly (Curly Howard): What, three in one?
Johnson (Bud Jamison): Yeah, what about it?
Curly (Curly Howard): That’s what I thought you said.

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Sleeping woman: What’s the matter, dear?
Curly (Curly Howard): I’m looking for Joe!

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Sleeping woman: Why didn’t you write?
Curly (Curly Howard): I don’t know your address!

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Curly (Curly Howard): Get your foot out of my vest!
Moe (Moe Howard): You’re spoilin’ the wardrobe!

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Moe (Moe Howard): [after Curly is thrown on top of him] Ya big lummox, ya wanna give me berth marks?

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Moe (Moe Howard): Hey, you! Wake up and go to sleep.

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Johnson (Bud Jamison): Aren’t you guys asleep yet?
Curly (Curly Howard): Soitenly! I dreamed we saw a swimming pool, so we dove in.
Johnson (Bud Jamison): Dive back into that berth, or I’ll make you dive off of this train!

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Johnson (Bud Jamison): [hearing the monkey] What’s that I hear?
Moe (Moe Howard): Aw, ya shouldn’t believe everything ya hear.

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