Messages from actual church signs

Taken from signs in front of actual churches in the U.S.A.

• No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace.
• Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!
• Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
• Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
• An ad for St. Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.
• When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, Open Sundays, the church reciprocated with its own message: We are open on Sundays, too.
• Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear one!
• A singing group called The Resurrection was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, The Resurrection is postponed.
• People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
• God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.
• Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
  

• When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.
• Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
• Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily.
• How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?
• Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives
• Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
• Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.
• It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.
• Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
• If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
• If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.
• Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.
• This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing? ---> (U R)
• Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
• In the dark? Follow the Son.
• Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.
• If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd. 
  
  
  Posted by traymond on 07/21 at 07:07 PM in Church and God jokes

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