Office Terminology for the New Millennium

My favorite is 'Dilberted'

ADMINISHPERE

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

ALPHA GEEK

The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.

BLAMESTORMING

Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT

An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

CHIPS & SALSA

Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. “Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa.”

CLM

Career Limiting Move: Used to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

CUBE FARM

An office filled with cubicles.

DILBERTED

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”

FLIGHT RISK

Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

GOOD JOB

A “Get-Out-Of-Debt” Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

IDEA HAMSTERS

People who always seem to have their idea generator running.

MOUSE POTATO

The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

OHNOSECOND

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE

The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

PRAIRIE DOGGING

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

SITCOMs

(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

TOURIST

People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.

TREEWARE

Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

UMFRIEND

A personal relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in “This is Dylan, my ... um ... friend.”

UNINSTALLED

Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)

XEROX SUBSIDY

Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS

The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after lunch, “We each owe $8, but all anybody’s got are yuppie food stamps.”

404

Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located. “Don’t bother asking him; He’s 404, man.”

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