Things I’ve learned from my boys (honest and not kidding)

A hilarious, and all too true, list of things that an anonymous mother from Austin, Texas that learned things about little boys ... the *hard* way!

• A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
• If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
• A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
• You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
• The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
• When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
• Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
• A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
• Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
• Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
• Super glue is forever.
• No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
• Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
• VCR’s do not eject “PB &J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
• Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
• Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
• You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
• Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
• The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
• It will, however, make cats dizzy.
• Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
• 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:

• For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
• For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
• For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
• For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
• For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control

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