Best Clean Funny Jokes http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/index/ Funny jokes on every subject imaginable en tom.raymond@gmail.com Copyright 2010 2010-03-16T01:10:01-06:00 St. Patrick’s Day riddles http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/st-patricks-day-riddles/ Kids jokes Q: What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish?
A: Paddy O’Furniture!

Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A: A sham rock!

Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Because they’re always wearing green!

Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
A: When it’s a French fry!

Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn’t afford plane fare!

Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
A: He gets wet!

]]> 2010-03-16T01:10:01-06:00 We the people - song lyrics - by Ray Stevens http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/we-the-people-song-lyrics-by-ray-stevens/ Song lyrics to "We the People" by Ray Stevens - "You vote Obamacare, We’re gonna vote you outta there!" Funny Videos, Politician Jokes, Song Lyrics

We the People song lyrics, by Ray Stevens

.
It’s gonna be a big heart breaker,
Grandma needs a new pace maker,
And the doctor says, “I realize she’s ill,
But there’s talk of legislation, on all our medication,
and maybe all we can do is put her on a pain pill.”

Whoa, me! Hey, Congress!

You vote Obamacare,
We’re gonna vote you outta there!
We the People have awakened to your tricks.
You vote to let this pass,
You’ll be out on your ____!
‘Cause we the people have awakened…

And to put it in words you might understand, if you had the common sense that God gave a billy goat, you’d no doubt noticed that your constituents, the electorate – that’s us, voters – are onto your
· pork-barrel-
· special-interest-
· tax-and-spend-
scam.

Or, to put it more succinctly, “Heh, heh, heh, Thwwwwwwwwp!”

We’ve heard from Hannity, Beck, and Limbaugh,
What you’ve got in mind for Grandma,
And we found this O’Reilly fella on Fox.
We’re kinda like Joe the Plumber,
And when WE crunch the numbers,
It all adds up to votin’ you out at the ballot box!

He he he he he he…

You vote Obamacare,
We’re gonna vote you outta there!
We the People have awakened to your tricks.
You vote to let this pass,
You’ll be out on your ____!
‘Cause we the people have awakened…

And to put it mildly, we’re harboring feelings of extreme alienation, due to copious amounts of horse manure that have been shoveled out of the White House AND the Capitol Building, and we sense that we are being royally defecated upon. (Ha ha!) Yeah, we’re gettin’ the impression that you think we are not relevant to these proceedings, and dismissing our input into the situation.

Please tell Nancy Pelosi,
We’re gonna do the Hokey Pokey,
Put the “right” ones in,
Pull the “left” ones out.

You vote Obamacare,
We’re gonna vote you outta there!’
We the People have awakened to your tricks.
You vote to let this pass,
You’ll be out on your ____!
Yeah, we the people have awakened…

And you might want to start looking for another line of work. How ’bout the medical profession? Ha ha. Yeah, they’re gonna need every one that can put up with the red tape and the pay cut. Hey, why don’t you
· kill every last job,
· tax every last penny, and
· infringe on every God-given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?!
.
‘Cause let me tell you, ain’t NOBODY happy with you!

We the People have awakened…

And it occurs to me that you might really like it down in Venezuela!

]]> 2010-03-15T03:14:00-06:00 Heavenly Daze, starring the Three Stooges http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/heavenly-daze-starring-the-three-stooges/ Funny movie quotes taken from the Three Stooges short film "Heavenly Daze" where Shemp comes back as a ghost to haunt Moe and Larry Funny movie quotes Funny movie quotes from Heavenly Daze starring the Three Stooges

Shemp (Shemp Howard): Bad, Uncle Mortimer?
Uncle Mortimer (Moe Howard): I hope you brought your asbestos suit!


Train announcement: All aboard! The heavenly express, bound for the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, Earth, Mars, Venus, Kookamonga, and all points south.

Shemp (Shemp Howard): [having been soaked by a rain cloud] What’s the idea, you think you’re in California?

I. Fleecem (Vernon Dent): [reading Shemp’s will] ... furthermore, I Shemp the Stooge being of an unsound mind and hereby proving it, do leave all my worldly possessions to my cousins Moe and Larry.

Moe (Moe Howard): [counting out Shemp’s money] That leaves seventy bucks for you, Larry.  1 - 2 - 3 - 4 ... say, at what age did you graduate grammar school?
Larry (Larry Fine): Eighteen.
Moe (Moe Howard): 18 - 19 -20 - 21 -22 ...
Shemp (Shemp Howard): Robber!
Moe (Moe Howard): Say, tell me, how old do you have to be to collect your old age pension?
Larry (Larry Fine): Sixty-five.
Moe (Moe Howard): 65 -66 - 67 - 68 - 69 -70!

I. Fleecem (Vernon Dent): That’s what I call easy pickins!
Shemp (Shemp Howard): [picking his pocket] You’re telling me.

Larry (Larry Fine): Cheerio, Pi-Pip, and all that sort of rot, old thing, old stuff, old fishmonger, old skunk bait!

Larry (Larry Fine): Say, why would anybody want a fountain pen that can write under whipped cream?

Moe (Moe Howard): Get going, and answer the door.
Butler: I’m goin’ but my heart ain’t in it.

Mr. DePuyster: You look like you’ve seen a ghost.
Butler: Mister, you don’t know the half of it.

]]> 2010-03-14T02:50:00-06:00 You probably think this speech is about you http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/you-probably-think-this-speech-is-about-you/ A video clip of President Obama, giving a speech on job creation - where the creator of the video merely counts the number of times the President refers to himself in the speech - "this isn't about me" (of course) Funny Videos, Politician Jokes

]]> 2010-03-12T16:09:00-06:00 What did the green grape say … http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/what-did-the-green-grape-say/ A funny little joke about 2 grapes ... who knew they could talk? Puns Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: Breathe! Breathe!

]]> 2010-03-11T11:43:00-06:00 The clown’s fishing tackle box http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/the-clowns-fishing-tackle-box/ Actually, a true story, with a punny punch line! Clown jokes A clown and his daughter were walking through Wal-Mart, shopping, when they walked through the sporting goods department and saw some fishing tackle boxes.

The clown said to his daughter, “I love my fishing tackle box—I use it all the time.  But I don’t go fishing; I keep my clown make-up in it.”

The daughter said, “You should take it fishing sometime—you could catch a clownfish!”

]]> 2010-03-11T04:10:00-06:00 But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it. http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/but-we-have-to-pass-the-bill-so-that-you-can-find-out-what-is-in-it/ Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, on why the Health Care bill has to be passed in order for we, the people, to know what's in it. About that whole 'consent of the governed' thing? So 20th century. Politician Jokes

]]> 2010-03-10T14:25:01-06:00 The wedding of the antennae http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/the-wedding-of-the-antennae/ A funny pun, thanks to my sister-in-law Libby, who thinks of things like this :) Puns Did you hear about the wedding of the two antennae?

The wedding wasn’t anything special, but the reception was amazing! 

]]> 2010-03-10T03:08:00-06:00 Funny movie quotes from Pardon My Scotch, starring the Three Stooges http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/funny-movie-quotes-from-pardon-my-scotch-starring-the-three-stooges/ Funny movie quotes Funny movie quotes from Pardon My Scotch (1935) starring the Three Stooges - Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard

Moe (Moe Howard): Get the tools.
Larry (Larry Fine): What tools?
Moe (Moe Howard): The tools we been usin’ for the last ten years.
Larry (Larry Fine): Oh, those tools!


Salesman: Boy, do I feel low.  Hey, mix me a pick-up.
Curly (Curly Howard): He wants a derrick!

Moe (Moe Howard): Sneak up on it slow.
Curly (Curly Howard): I’ll be right behind you, don’t be afraid.

Moe (Moe Howard): This oughta pick him up!
Curly (Curly Howard): And put him down, too.

Larry (Larry Fine): Maybe we oughta humor him.
Curly (Curly Howard): I’ll marry him if there’s enough dough in it.

Scotsman: Are you laddies by any chance from Loch Lomond?
Curly (Curly Howard): No, we’re from Lock Jaw.

Hostess: The gentlemen are going to do their native dance.
Curly (Curly Howard): I ain’t gonna take my clothes off for anybody.

Hostess: We would like to have you do the Highland Fling.
Moe (Moe Howard): We ain’t much on the Highland Fling, Lady, but sure knock ‘em dead with our Lowland Shin.
Hostess: A lowland shin?
Curly (Curly Howard): Yeah, it’s the same as a fan dance, only ya do it in kilts!
Larry (Larry Fine): [to bagpipers] Lay on, MacDuff.

Moe (Moe Howard): Hoot, man.
Larry (Larry Fine): Hoot, man.
Moe (Moe Howard): Hoot.
Curly (Curly Howard): Hallelujah, hallelujah!

]]> 2010-03-09T04:45:00-06:00 Frozen Wasteland - song lyrics http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/frozen-wasteland-song-lyrics/ Song lyrics and video to "Frozen Wasteland" - a parody of "Teenage Wasteland" - by Minnesotans for Global Warming - *very* funny Funny Videos, Politician Jokes

]]> 2010-03-07T12:59:00-06:00