Best Clean Funny Jokes http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/index/ Funny jokes on every subject imaginable en tom.raymond@gmail.com Copyright 2009 2009-06-19T22:43:00-06:00 Newsbusted episode, June 19, 2009 http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/newsbusted-episode-june-19-2009/ The online comedy show that comments on the week's headlines - TV switches to digital -- The unemployment rate -- Details on the Democratic health care proposal surface -- Cap'n Crunch gets sued Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-19T22:43:00-06:00 Newsbusted episode, June 16, 2009 http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/newsbusted-episode-june-16-2009/ The online comedy show that comments on the week's headlines - Irans election - Europe's election - David Letterman attacks Sarah Palin and her daughters - Forbes list of the most powerful celebrities - Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg condemn Jeremiah Wright's latest anti-Jewish rant - Chastity Bono's announced sex change operation Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-17T01:30:00-06:00 What’s the Difference Between God and Obama? http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/whats-the-difference-between-god-and-obama/ A *very* funny comparison/contrast between God and President Obama, courtesy of Rush Limbaugh ... Politician Jokes What do Obama and God have in common? 
Neither has a birth certificate. 

How does Obama differ from God?

  • God does not think he’s Obama.
  • Liberals love Obama.
  • God asks for only 10% of your money.
  • God gives you freedom to live your life as you choose.
  • God’s plan to save us is actually written down for people to read.

(courtesy of RushLimbaugh.com)

]]> 2009-06-13T14:57:01-06:00 You mean, like Democrats? http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/you-mean-like-democrats/ An old joke by Bob Hope, from his movie 'The Ghost Breakers' that's funny once again in the Age of Obama ... Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-13T14:55:00-06:00 Newsbusted episode, June 12, 2009 http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/newsbusted-episode-june-12-2009/ The online comedy show that comments on the week's headlines - The 20th anniversary of Tiananmen Square -- The Dismantling of GM -- Dead people voting -- Bob Woodwards new book on the Obama White House - NASA report blaming sun cycles for global warming Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-13T04:25:01-06:00 Newsbusted episode, June 9, 2009 http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/newsbusted-episode-june-9-2009/ The online comedy show that comments on the week's headlines - President Obama makes a speech in Cairo - President Obama's latest gaffe - Newsweek's Evan Thomas calls Obama God - A new poll shows that Dick Cheney is more popular than Nancy Pelosi - new sculpture of President Obama - Angelina Jolie named most powerful celebrity in the world Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-10T04:21:00-06:00 Newsbusted episode, June 5, 2009 http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/newsbusted-episode-june-5-2009/ The online comedy show that comments on the week's headlines - Democrats wont fund the closing of Guantanamo Bay (Gitmo) - Dick Cheney's popularity is on the rise - Dick Cheney gave 77% of his income to charity - New Paris Hilton documentary coming out soon Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-06T04:15:00-06:00 What will the new GM (Government Motors) cars look like? http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/what-will-the-new-gm-government-motors-cars-look-like/ A humorous look at what future GM cars might look like, now that the U.S. government has taken control ... a *very* funny YouTube video, that unfortunately will be more truth than fiction Funny movie quotes, Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-04T11:57:00-06:00 Newsbusted episode, June 2, 2009 http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/newsbusted-episode-june-2-2009/ The online comedy show that comments on the week's headlines - Nancy Pelosi visits China - GM files for bankruptcy - Al Qaeda leader shows up on Iraqi TV - Larry King advocates gay marriage Politician Jokes

]]> 2009-06-03T04:07:00-06:00 Funny movie quotes from Sons of the Desert starring Laurel and Hardy http://www.bestcleanfunnyjokes.info/index.php/site/comments/funny-movie-quotes-from-sons-of-the-desert-starring-laurel-and-hardy/ Verbal humor was one of the hallmarks of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy's movies, and 'Sons of the Desert' was one of their best - and funniest Funny movie quotes Funny movie quotes from Sons of the Desert starring Laurel and Hardy

Oliver Hardy: Now isn’t this nice?
Stan Laurel: It sure is. We’re just like two peas in a pot.


Oliver Hardy: To catch a Hardy they’ve got to get up very early in the morning.
Stan Laurel: What time?
Oliver Hardy: Oh about half past - “What time.” Hmph.

Stan Laurel: I’ve certainly got to hand it to you, Ollie.
Oliver Hardy: For what?
Stan Laurel: Well for the meticulous care with which you have executed your finely formulated machinations in extricating us from this devastating dilemma.
Oliver Hardy: Get in bed.
Stan Laurel: What?
Oliver Hardy: Get in bed. “Meticulous.” Hmph.

Oliver Hardy: Where is she?
Stan Laurel: Maybe she went to the mountains.
Oliver Hardy: I’ll bet she did. You know she makes me sick.
Stan Laurel: Well if she didn’t go to the mountains, then Mohammad would have to come here.

Oliver Hardy: Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): Have you anything else to say?
Oliver Hardy: Why no. That’s all there is. There isn’t anymore. Is there Stanley?
Stan Laurel: No, that’s our story and we’re stuck with it. In it.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): You’re going to Honolulu if you have to go alone.
Oliver Hardy: If I have to go to Honolulu alone
[Points to Stan]
Oliver Hardy: He’s going with me.

Oliver Hardy: That settles it! I’m not goin’ to Honolulu!
Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): [angrily] Oh, yes, you ARE going to Honolulu if you have to go alone!
Oliver Hardy: [pointing at Stan] If I have to go to Honolulu alone, he’s going with me!

Oliver Hardy: You’d better take my temperature.
[pointing]
Oliver Hardy: Get that thermometer.
Stan Laurel: The what?
Oliver Hardy: Thermometer! You’ll find it on the shelf.
[groaning]
Oliver Hardy: Ooh… ooh… ooh.
Oliver Hardy: [as Stan puts it in his mouth] Uh-um.
Oliver Hardy: [after Stan has taken his pulse] What does it say?
Stan Laurel: Wet and windy.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): [after the boys have rung the bell one time too many] What d’ya think this is? Halloween?
[to Ollie]
Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): Come in, you bad boy!

Oliver Hardy: Do you have to ask your wife everything?
Stan Laurel: If I didn’t ask her, I wouldn’t know what she wanted me to do.

Oliver Hardy: What did Betty say?
Stan Laurel: Betty said that honesty was the best politics.

Oliver Hardy: Now why did you hire a veterinarian?
Stan Laurel: I didn’t think his religion would make any difference.

Oliver Hardy: Why didn’t you want to take the oath?
Stan Laurel: I was afraid.
Oliver Hardy: Of what?
Stan Laurel: I was afraid that if I took the oath, that my wife wouldn’t let me go. And the Exhausted Ruler said that if… you took an oath, it would have to be broken for… generations and… centuries of… hundreds of years and my wife would let…
Oliver Hardy: Do you have to ask your wife everything?
Stan Laurel: Well if I didn’t ask her, I wouldn’t know what she wanted me to do.
Oliver Hardy: Why don’t you pattern your life after mine? I go places and do things and *then* tell my wife. Every man should be the king in his own castle.

Oliver Hardy: I go places and do things, and then *then* tell my wife.

[on the telephone]
Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): Charley tells me you’re from Los Angeles. What part?
Oliver Hardy: All of me.

Mrs. Betty Laurel (Dorothy Christy): Stanley wouldn’t dare lie to me. I hate to think what would happen if he ever did.

Stan Laurel: I may not be king of my castle, but I certainly wouldn’t allow my wife to wear any pants. I’d like to see my old woman throwing things. It’s disgraceful. Never heard of such goings off. On. If my old ball and chain ever talked to me… If she even dared… You know what I’d say?
Oliver Hardy: What?
Stan Laurel: I’d say…
[Sees Betty]
Stan Laurel: Hello, honey. I…
[Double takes]

Stan Laurel: If you don’t be careful, she’s going to get the upper hand of you.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): I’ll show you, you Son of a Desert! Go to a convention on me, ha! ha!

Dr. Horace Meddick: What seems to be the trouble?
Stan Laurel: I think he’s suffering from a nervous shakedown.

Mrs. Lottie Hardy (Mae Busch): I haven’t heard from you since you sang in the choir.
Charley Chase: And you used to pump the organ, remember? You little old organ pumper, you!

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